One of the Hardest Things

One of the hardest things I've ever done is to let go of everything I know and most of what I own. The last few days in Seattle were absolutely the hardest. With MDHK already gone and the remaining crucial details in my hands I was a bit of wreck. As I made my final exit from the home that housed our entire 13 year marriage I decided I couldn't do it alone. So, I phoned Kent at our aprtment in New York and as soon as I heard his voice I burst into tears. Through my sobs I managed to get out only two words; "I'm leaving". Cutting the rest of the sentence short I realized it sounded like I was saying that I was leaving HIM. So I pulled it together long enough to sob; "The house. I'm leaving our house. I can't do this alone". He shared my sadness and then walked me out the door, making sure I said 'good-bye' and 'thank you' to every room.

I spent my last evening in Seattle in the company of what I can truly say are 4 of the most loving and supportive friends a girl could ask for; Jennifer Worick (we've shared some big stuff in a short amount of time), Annie Rihnsmith (a.k.a. BFF & Calla's mom), Dawn Hobson (kind & generous hostess, even kinder and more generous friend) and Christin Snyder (a good cousin, and even better friend). Sitting outside at Ponti's I confessed my emotional breakdown earlier which they quickly re-named a 'break through'. The point being that it had to happen sooner or later, right? I quickly recovered (as you can tell by the funny face making in the photo which unfortunately doesn't include Christin, acting as a photographer).

The next morning as Annie (and Calla) drove me to the airport I felt prepared, at peace and excited. Once I boarded the plane and settled in next to two completely stoned people I felt amused. Luckily they were too busy inhaling bags of snack mix to notice the little tear I shed as the plane pointed towards my new home in the Big Apple and the Apple State faded into the distance.

Reality Check 1.01 THE UPDATE

I ask you; Does this look like the face of someone who is living in baby exile? Week 1 of the BFF's new baby, a.k.a. Calla Marie Rihnsmith. The lovechild of our best friends Annie and Ethan. As you well know by my earlier post "Reality Check 1.0" I have spent 9 months waiting to be put in baby exile when Annie had her baby. Instead she arrived and I realized that my moving to NYC wasn't such great timing afterall.

Well, let's just say after one week we are all smitten with Calla, The BFF still remembers my name, I got them a webcam for their laptop so we can Skype, and I might not be such a looser afterall for leaving so soon into little Calla's life.

Or at least I hope not.

Reality Check 1.0

For nine months I've approached the impending arrival of my best friend Annie's baby with the attitude that it will be as if she moved away. She will live an alternate universe from me on a different planet and in a different time zone. Being of the child-free-by-choice variety it seemed that I was the one staying the same and she had made the decision to 'move away'.

Today was that day. Little Girl Rihnsmith arrived as Calla Marie. She's beautiful. I mean it. In the midst of feeling love and joy for my best friends I felt a tremdous amount of sadness. I realized that its not Annie that is departing for the alternate universe. Its me. I am moving away at the begining of Calla's life and the biggest adventure of Annie's. I feel like I am letting her down and that I will be missing out on something very special that I will now have to view via Skype and a webcam. Lame.

Our move to the Big Apple has felt like a dream come true until now. Suddenly it feels like a very grave departure from something extremely dear. Reality check 1.0.